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Dating with a mood disorder: An analysis of Bipolar Disorder depicted in Modern Love

 Mehek Kataria

    The 2019 television series Modern Love is a romantic comedy anthology based on the The New York Times column of the same name. Each episode is a love story, however, they’re also very unique in terms of the characters and their situations as a result of which the series provides representation to communities that often go unnoticed in mainstream romantic comedies. The third episode of season 1, titled “Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am”, directed by John Carney, is a self-narration of the life and struggles of a young woman with Bipolar Disorder. This article aims to analyse the depiction of the disorder in the episode and to touch upon the complexities of dating as an individual with a mood disorder. 

Unlike unipolar mood disorders, in bipolar disorders, the depressive episode precedes or follows a manic or hypomanic episode. (Hooley et. al., 2021) During a manic episode, an individual may behave extremely elated, experience unrealistic excitement and euphoria and maybe be unusually high on energy. One may be unable to sleep or experience any feelings of relaxation. (DSM-5, 2013) The depressive episodes are characterised by an extreme lack of energy, inability to carry out daily activities of life, diminished interest or pleasure in everything, insomnia or hypersomnia among other symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder. (DSM-5, 2013) 

On first viewing, it appears that what Lexi, the protagonist, is experiencing, is a manic episode followed by a depressive one which would classify her disorder as Bipolar Disorder 1.  (Hooley et. al., 2021) The episode begins with her describing an early-morning supermarket visit for an unusually intense craving for peaches. She says that she felt as though she was literally shimmering and was in such a good mood that she would break into song and dance every now and then, imagining the other shoppers as her backup dancers. In conversation with her potential date, Jeff, she would speak with run-on sentences, without a pause and not give him a chance to chime in. She also mentions that she has not slept in three nights and later tells him she loves him after having met him only a few minutes earlier. (Carney, 2019) However, after closer observation, it appears as though Lexi experiences hypomanic episodes and not manic episodes, making her disorder a better fit for Bipolar Disorder 2. ( Hooley et. al., 2021; Longman, 2019) 

Hypomania is characterised by the same symptoms and behaviours as mania, however, they are experienced to a lesser degree. (Hooley et. al., 2021) An episode is considered manic when symptoms last for at least 1 week and hypomanic when they last for at least 4 days. (DSM-5, 2013) At any point in the narrative, Lexi’s symptoms did not last for more than 4 days. Additionally, hypomanic episodes involve lower impairment in social and occupational functioning, which was untrue for Lexi as she was able to perform exceptionally well at work and also maintain her social relationships during her hypomanic episodes. (Hooley et. al., 2021; Carney, 2019) Finally, none of her symptoms was so intense that she would require hospitalisation. One may argue that what she was experiencing could also be considered cyclothymic disorder, however, her mood and behaviour changes were significantly extreme for that to be true.  (Hooley et. al., 2021)

As the narrative begins to depict her depressive episodes, Lexi says “I don't know what kicks it off. Blood Sugar? Chemical? Psychological? Who Knows”. (Carney, 2019) While it’s true that being able to single out a specific cause for a bipolar disorder is very difficult, one can definitely identify some factors that contribute to the course of the disorder. In Lexi’s story, the overarching theme was that when living with a lifestyle-altering disorder, one must let the people in their life know about it in order to not lose out on important relationships and career opportunities. In fact, a study by Cohen et, al., in 2004, found that people with bipolar disorder who reported low social support showed more depressive episodes over a 1-year follow-up, independent of the effects of stressful life events. Lexi says that she had always kept family, friends and employers unaware of her disorder and only showed up when she could be the ideal version of herself, i.e., during her hypomanic episodes or periods of normal behaviour. (Carney, 2019) This, unfortunately, created a highly unrealistic image of Lexi which she could not keep up with when in her depressed state. 

Lexi performed exceedingly well at work and was loved by the people she worked with, however, her depressive episodes would cause her attendance records to be low. She was unable to hold on to a job for long enough and would often lose out on the relationships she had built. Her experience while dating was also very similar. When in her hypomanic episode or period of normal behaviour, she was very charming, interesting and fun to be around. However, when her depressive episode would arrive, she would be unable to be that version of herself. Since she would not let anyone in or give them a chance to understand her disorder, they would often give up and leave. She kept losing out on friendships, relationships and jobs because she did not allow any space for social support and understanding in her life. 

After the release of this episode of Modern Love, people suffering from some type of Bipolar Disorder have come out to say that for the most part, this story is very accurate in depicting the obstacles of living with the disorder, especially the ones faced while dating. (Kelley, 2020) However, some expert opinions are such that they appreciate the accuracy of the episode and agree with the importance of healthy social support, but they do not believe that disclosing one’s condition is right for everyone. (Longman, 2019) The decision of when, how and who to disclose one’s illness to, should be very personalized.



References

Carney, John. (2019). Modern Love: “Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am” [TV]

Cohen, A. N., Hammen, C., Henry, R. M., & Daley, S. E. (2004). Effects of stress and social support on recurrence in bipolar disorder. J. Affect. Dis., 82(1), 143–47.

Hooley, J. M., Nock, M., & Butcher, J. N. (2021). Abnormal psychology. Pearson. 

Kelley, A. (2020, March 27). 10 moments modern love accurately represented my bipolar. Happiful Magazine. Retrieved March 20, 2022, from https://happiful.com/modern-love-and-my-bipolar/ 

Longman, M. (2019, October 19). How accurate is Anne Hathaway's modern love episode about dating with bipolar disorder? How Real Is Modern Love's Episode On Bipolar Disorder? Retrieved March 20, 2022, from https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2019/10/8593982/bipolar-disorder-dating-relationships-modern-love 


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