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Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder- A Look Into The Silver Linings Playbook

Rabani Bhatti

The Silver Linings playbook, a 2012 romantic comedy-drama movie, is a refreshing change from the trend of the incorrect portrayal of mental illnesses in the film industry. The movie is about two individuals dealing with their own mental illnesses. The movie revolves around Pat Solintano Jr., a man with Bipolar Disorder and Tiffany, a young widow struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder. Traumatised by the recent death of her husband, her unstable relationship with Pat sheds light on her situation by accurately portraying Tiffany’s personality disorder and the impact it can have on one’s romantic relationships. 


The American Psychiatrist Association defines borderline personality disorder (BPD) as “a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects and marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.” The fundamental aspects of borderline personality disorder include unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, feelings of emptiness, bursts of rage, chronic fears of abandonment, intolerance of aloneness and lack of a stable sense of self. The hallmarks of BPD such as impulsivity, affective liability, and self-damaging actions occur in an interpersonal context (Levy et al., 2010) Further, it has been found that individuals with BPD are more impaired at work, in social relationships, and in leisure time than patients with other psychiatric disorders. Romantic relationship dysfunction is also particularly prominent in persons diagnosed with BPD compared to other personality disorders (Miano et al., 2017). 


Although Tiffany’s disorder remains undisclosed in the movie, her character accurately encapsulates all symptoms of BPD. Her character is portrayed as impulsive, emotionally unstable, and intensely angry with an unstable self-image. We see Tiffany’s impulsivity and self-destructive behaviour when she asks Pat to sleep with her in the first meeting with him. Her character is also seen explaining how she got fired from her last job for sleeping with most of the men. Given the fear of abandonment that comes with BPD, we see Tiffany’s character pushing Pat away. She is also seen characteristically “splitting” her emotions for him, a defence mechanism through which people with BPD perceive their environment in all or nothing terms (Fertuck et al., 2018). It allows one to deal with overwhelming emotions by seeing someone as either good or bad. Through the course of the movie, we see sudden shifts in Tiffany’s views about Pat– she views him in an ideal manner, finding him charming and understanding and then suddenly, she is almost disgusted by him. “BPD is associated with a lower probability of building up enduring romantic relationships, as well as with low relationship satisfaction and high couple distress” (Miano et al., 2017). We see how distressful Pat and Tiffany’s relationship was when we see Tiffany experience a range of emotions related to Pat. From being completely in love with Pat to being angry with him and accusing him of harassment in one scene in front of the movie theatre, we see how Tiffany’s condition made it impossible for her to build a stable relationship with Pat. We see how her impulsivity, anger and self-destructive behaviour makes it tough for her to build a strong and secure bond with someone she truly liked and valued. 


Tiffany’s character also felt out of touch with reality and was suspicious of everyone around her. We see this in the movie when after having mindless sex with numerous guys, Tiffany feels threatened by everyone around her. This too impacts her relationship with Pat as her inability to trust and the irrational suspicion about everything inhibits her from building a healthy bond with Pat. The movie sheds light on not only the extent to which BPD can affect one’s own mental wellbeing, but it also shows us the impact it can have on one’s romantic relationships. While Pat was not the most stable person himself, we see his character trying to understand Tiffany and build a relationship with her. Tiffany, however, continues to push him away due to her condition. Individuals with BPD view relationships as competitive struggles rather than collaborative efforts wherein they cooperate when a threat is apparent (an uncooperative partner) and seek to create maximum benefits for themselves when a partner is cooperating. We see in the movie that despite Pat’s repeated attempts, Tiffany continues to push him away. While Pat too was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, he was cooperative enough to an extent. This is not to discard the instances where he calls her “crazy”, but we see his character put in the effort to spend more time with Tiffany. It appears as if given the romantic relationship dysfunction that people with BPD face, Tiffany engages in self-verification, a social psychological theory that asserts people want to be known and understood by others according to their firmly held beliefs and feelings about themselves (Swann et al., 2000). This highlights how people with BPD can have complicated and unstable romantic relationships due to their condition. 


The movie shows us not only what it is like to have BPD from the point of view of Tiffany’s character but it also highlights an important aspect that often goes unnoticed and does not get enough attention in the discourse on mental health. The relationship between Tiffany and Pat shows us how tough and challenging it can be to love someone diagnosed with BPD. While it can be toxic for the person involved in a relationship with someone with BPD, more awareness about symptoms and ways to deal with it can help healthy individuals extend love and support to their partners. Discourse on ways to deal with mental illnesses for friends, family and partners is just as crucial as seeking treatment for those who have been diagnosed with mental illnesses. Traumatic experiences such as abandonment by a romantic partner can result in a vicious cycle wherein existing symptoms like fear of abandonment can be reinforced. Therefore, it is safe to say that the movie Silver Linings Playbook does a beautiful job of portraying the nuances of mental illnesses that need to be talked about more often. 


Works Cited

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). American Psychiatric Association. (2013).

Fertuck, E. A., Fischer, S., & Beeney, J. (2018). Social Cognition and Borderline Personality Disorder: Splitting and Trust Impairment Findings Author links open overlay panel. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 41(4), 613–632. https://doi.org/https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0193953X18311328?via%3Dihub

Levy, K. N., Beeney, J. E., & Temes, C. M. (2010). Attachment and its vicissitudes in borderline personality disorder. Current Psychiatry Reports, 13(1), 50–59. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-010-0169-8

Miano, A., Grosselli, L., Roepke, S., & Dziobek, I. (2017). Emotional dysregulation in borderline personality disorder and its influence on communication behavior and feelings in romantic relationships. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 95, 148–157. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2017.06.002

Russell, D. O., Gigliotti, D., Cohen, B., & Gordon, J. (n.d.). Silver linings playbook.

Swann, W. B., Milton, L. P., & Polzer, J. T. (2000). Should we create a niche or fall in line? identity negotiation and small group effectiveness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(2), 238–250. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.2.238


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