Skip to main content

BDSM and Trauma Recovery

Esther Larisa David


 CW: mentions and a short description of sexual assault

Zoe Ligon is a US-based sex educator and owner of an online sex toy boutique. She extensively uses social media to talk about sex in general as well as her personal life, which includes a past of attachment issues and sexual assault. She recently teamed up with Midori, another sex educator and BDSM practitioner on her vlog 'Sex Stuff' for a conversation about BDSM and the art of Japanese rope tying. This is what Zoe tweeted after releasing that vlog:

"I rope bottomed* for the very first time with @PlanetMidori — how lucky am I? Watch the latest episode of Sex Stuff and watch me cry some sweet subspace** tears ❤️"

On Instagram, she elaborated further on why she cried like she did, making herself vulnerable to the world, and on exploring her trauma from sexual assault.

Sex isn't something that's openly spoken about even today. Sexual assault even less. Sexual practices that deviate from the norm are spoken about even lesser. Yet these are all connected.

BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Submission, and Masochism) is a practice that involves infliction of physical pain, humiliation, and restriction of movement. A layperson's view of BDSM is that it's harmful, wrong, and that people who practice it have mental health issues as well. A lot about BDSM was unknown among the general public, but its portrayal in the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' franchise spiked curiosity about it outside the community even if 'Fifty Shades...' didn't exactly portray it in the most accurate light. Heavy emphasis must be placed on the fact that it is consensual participation between two adults. Words that aren’t BDSM terminology are used as safe words when anyone participating doesn’t wish to continue.

How can something that involves pain, humiliation, and restrictions then be connected to something like healing from trauma, especially sexual violence related trauma?
When talking specifically about sexual assault, BDSM is a form of trauma reenactment. Trauma reenactment involves revisiting childhood traumas in a safe and consensual space (that isn’t necessarily sexual eg. writing, art, comedy, and music about past traumas are all examples of reenactment).
What does trauma reenactment do? First, reenacting a traumatic experience validates a client’s trauma and confirms for the client that they actually had such an experience. Second, a reenactment in a safe and controlled space helps the client gain mastery over the situation that was once an experience of helplessness. Finally, reenactments present the possibility of reversing prior outcomes, controlling what was uncontrollable in the past, and dealing with the trauma in different and more hopeful ways.

In the context of BDSM, a past trauma could emerge as a kink. Someone who was restrained during assault would probably emerge with a kink for being restrained and tied up during sex. Since the practice of BDSM is supposed to be consensual and safe with personal boundaries, it becomes an ideal avenue for trauma reenactment and healing. Furthermore, being in subspace provides positive reinforcement for the sex that precedes it.
People who practice BDSM are not sick or pathological. Some are in it to explore their sexuality in a healthy way and some are healing from past experiences and reclaiming their bodies.
*rope bottomed: it refers to someone submissive in the partnership i.e the bottom, to whom things are done to. In this context, the sub is tied up and their movement is restricted.
**subspace: a psychological state that the submissive participant enters where they feel naturally high and disconnected from their bodies, time, space etc.


Burton, K. B. (2004). Resilience in the face of psychological trauma. Psychiatry, 67(3), 231–234.
Dass-Brailsford, P. (2007). A practical approach to trauma: Empowering interventions. Los Angeles: Sage Publications.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

PTSD and its relationship with defense mechanisms and empathy: Character analysis of Levi Ackerman (SnK)

|Indira Bulhan Blog post: 1 “Manga is for kids” (My ignorant friend, 2018). Manga is often treated by people as something which is not so serious. However, it holds within itself some dark aspects of humanity. One such example is Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan). In it, the character of Levi Ackerman has been through a series of events which sets him apart from the people around him. Through this blog post, I will look upon the nature of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and its relationship with defense mechanisms and empathy.     Levi’s past is filled with events which can act as strong stressors for the development of trauma: the death of his mother at an early age, abandonment by father, raised by his uncle in the underworld in a highly unhygienic and malnourished state (who later abandons him again), death of his two closest friends and lover. Post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD can be defined as a mental disorder which can happen to peopl...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is Patrick Jane a psychopath?

Under the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), Psychopathy was never recognized, until the revised DSM-5 categorized it under Anti-Social Personality Disorder. “He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence” (Hare)  Psychopaths can replicate the behavior which the person they are interacting with thinks they want from them, without feeling a thing, which contributes greatly to their ability to manipulate. Psychopaths charm and lie their way seamlessly to the top, and while they lack empathy, they are well-liked because they know what to say and when to say it. Psychopaths occupy most of the positions of power in our society and corporations and thus often end up being glorified. This glorification of psychopaths is most evident in the portrayal of psychopathy in TV shows. Some of the most notable characters which the screen has ever seen, like Marlo Stanfield from ‘The Wire’, James Moriarty from ‘Sherlock’, Hanni...
Post a Comment
Read more

Patrick Bateman: A Successful Psychopath

Abigail D'Souza Personality disorders are psychological disorders characterised by rigid and pervasive patterns of behaviour that persist over time. These must be maladaptive, or cause clinically significant distress to the individual, and are typically recognizable by late adolescence, or early adulthood. The most commonly known personality disorder is Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), or rather Psychopathy, since people often assume the two are synonymous. They aren’t.   ASPD belongs to the Cluster B group of personality disorders, along with Histrionic, Narcissistic, and Borderline personality disorders. Individuals with these tend to be dramatic, emotional, and erratic (Hooley et al., 2021). ASPD is characterised by a lack of moral or ethical development; inability to follow approved models of behaviour; deceitfulness; manipulation of others; history of conduct problems as a child, etc. (Hooley et al., 2021). Psychopathy however, is more a set of traits, like superfi...
Post a Comment
Read more