BDSM and Trauma Recovery

Esther Larisa David

CW: mentions and a short description of sexual assault

Zoe Ligon is a US-based sex educator and owner of an online sex toy boutique. She extensively uses social media to talk about sex in general as well as her personal life, which includes a past of attachment issues and sexual assault. She recently teamed up with Midori, another sex educator and BDSM practitioner on her vlog 'Sex Stuff' for a conversation about BDSM and the art of Japanese rope tying. This is what Zoe tweeted after releasing that vlog:

"I rope bottomed* for the very first time with @PlanetMidori — how lucky am I? Watch the latest episode of Sex Stuff and watch me cry some sweet subspace** tears ❤️"

On Instagram, she elaborated further on why she cried like she did, making herself vulnerable to the world, and on exploring her trauma from sexual assault.

Sex isn't something that's openly spoken about even today. Sexual assault even less. Sexual practices that deviate from the norm are spoken about even lesser. Yet these are all connected.

BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Submission, and Masochism) is a practice that involves infliction of physical pain, humiliation, and restriction of movement. A layperson's view of BDSM is that it's harmful, wrong, and that people who practice it have mental health issues as well. A lot about BDSM was unknown among the general public, but its portrayal in the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' franchise spiked curiosity about it outside the community even if 'Fifty Shades...' didn't exactly portray it in the most accurate light. Heavy emphasis must be placed on the fact that it is consensual participation between two adults. Words that aren’t BDSM terminology are used as safe words when anyone participating doesn’t wish to continue.

How can something that involves pain, humiliation, and restrictions then be connected to something like healing from trauma, especially sexual violence related trauma?
When talking specifically about sexual assault, BDSM is a form of trauma reenactment. Trauma reenactment involves revisiting childhood traumas in a safe and consensual space (that isn’t necessarily sexual eg. writing, art, comedy, and music about past traumas are all examples of reenactment).
What does trauma reenactment do? First, reenacting a traumatic experience validates a client’s trauma and confirms for the client that they actually had such an experience. Second, a reenactment in a safe and controlled space helps the client gain mastery over the situation that was once an experience of helplessness. Finally, reenactments present the possibility of reversing prior outcomes, controlling what was uncontrollable in the past, and dealing with the trauma in different and more hopeful ways.

In the context of BDSM, a past trauma could emerge as a kink. Someone who was restrained during assault would probably emerge with a kink for being restrained and tied up during sex. Since the practice of BDSM is supposed to be consensual and safe with personal boundaries, it becomes an ideal avenue for trauma reenactment and healing. Furthermore, being in subspace provides positive reinforcement for the sex that precedes it.

People who practice BDSM are not sick or pathological. Some are in it to explore their sexuality in a healthy way and some are healing from past experiences and reclaiming their bodies.
*rope bottomed: it refers to someone submissive in the partnership i.e the bottom, to whom things are done to. In this context, the sub is tied up and their movement is restricted.
**subspace: a psychological state that the submissive participant enters where they feel naturally high and disconnected from their bodies, time, space etc.


Burton, K. B. (2004). Resilience in the face of psychological trauma. Psychiatry, 67(3), 231–234.
Dass-Brailsford, P. (2007). A practical approach to trauma: Empowering interventions. Los Angeles: Sage Publications.