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Lying to our therapists: Yes, I’m feeling better!

Moksha Pasricha

Remedial Blog Post

Lying to our therapists: Yes, I’m feeling better!


The whole point of going to a physician, a therapist, a gynecologist, a physiotherapist, etc. is basically to get better – to get help so you can feel better. So then why do we hide information, sometimes by not volunteering enough and sometimes by outright lying when asked a question. I, myself, have told my physiotherapist that my shoulder is feeling better just because I was tired of coming to her clinic every day. Many young adults lie to their doctors about alcohol intake and sexual activity possibly because of the lack of belief in confidentiality and a safe space. People also lie to their doctors about feeling better – maybe to make the doctor feel better about themselves? There could, therefore, be a multitude of reasons why we lie to our doctors.

In an article on Psychology Today, Dr. Ryan Howes discusses the issues with lying to our therapists. He makes an interesting analogy about taking your car to the mechanic and asks if you would lie to the mechanic and say that your car is fine, or it’s working when it really isn’t – the obvious answer here is no, you took the car to the mechanic to get the problem fixed and telling the mechanic the problem is the fastest and safest way to achieve that goal. He then iterates that we should apply this same obvious logic to our interactions with medical professionals and says that telling them the problem is the way to achieve our goal of getting better. He argues that not only does lying to your therapist delay your better mental health but also is just a frivolous waste of time, money and energy – for both you and your therapist. He talks to researcher Matt Blanchard to try and decipher why we lie to our therapists – Blanchard gives us some statistics about a study he conducted to see how much lying to your therapist really takes place. In a study of 547 patients, 93% reported recalling an instance of having lied to their therapist about a particular instance. They also found that 72.6 percent of people recalled having lied about something in regard to the therapy itself – like finding therapists recommendations useful, or how much therapy is actually helping them. They also found that lying by omission was three times more likely than lying by fabrication and minimizing the truth was 6 times more likely than exaggerating. Another interesting point that Blanchard brings up is that the weaker the alliance between the patient and the therapist, the more likely it is that the patient lies to the therapist. This aspect, according to me, is particularly relevant in the Indian context – because of lack of proper training to create the perfect balance in the relationship between the patient and the therapist. It is extremely vital to create a space of confidentiality, a place which is safe and non-judgmental for a positive and honest exchange between the therapist and patient. It is important to create a balance so as to make sure that the patient feels comfortable enough to share their problems and experiences but still maintain a safe distance and not overstep the boundaries of being a therapist and walk in to the domain of going beyond that as a friend. Another aspect that is particularly relevant to the Indian context, is the aspect of upholding confidentiality and a no judgement space. A common fear, especially among adolescents and young adults is that since the person paying the therapist is a parent or guardian – the allegiance of the therapist lies with the parent. This, then, leads to a fear of breach of confidentiality which discourages young adults and adolescents from sharing their problems and experiences with the therapist. A bad experience of judgement from a therapist may also dissuade patients from telling the truth and seeking help from the therapists. The only way to deal with this issue and make it easier and safer for the patients to confide in their therapists is to train therapists better. This will enable the bond between the therapist and the patient to break the barriers of these issues and ensure a safe space for therapy sessions.

References: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-therapy/201610/why-people-lie-their-therapists


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